This Life.
Omoh, this life ehn...
I got a call from my dad tonight, he was not happy, it reflects on my mood tonight.
It bothers me that our human lives have to come down to this; paying bills, going to work, getting back home just to bath, eat and sleep, and continue the cycle.
Is this how we are going to live our lives? Can someone make sense of this for me please?
He's old now, can't do what he has been doing before, he's not as strong as he used to be, not quite healthy too and it bothers me that I might one day become like this. The sum total of my decisions now will now come back to hound me, good or bad, I will also reap the results of what I have sown inadvertently or not! Just like an exam, old age will become my reward, an addition of all my flaws and or strengths.
So one day I'll also have to lean on a stick for support, when my shoulders are no longer one to lean on, when I cannot see without aid, when waking up becomes a chore and I'll have to pray and wait out my last days hoping for my death to be quick and painless and betting on fate to be kind to the family I leave behind.
I think like that proverbs said, "everything is useless", but because it is, do I pretend not to care? Or do I keep going, hoping something will give? Or will I just wait away my years in the guise of living while leaving absolutely no impact whatsoever in this world?
After every win, I don't get that feeling of triumph as I think I will, I feel the opposite almost as if I was wrong to chase that high, almost as if we should just be content being mediocre, I don't get it! And sometimes it gets to me, I mean, before you get to that step, there's another waiting for you, before you get that high paying job, bills are already in tow, it's so difficult, but I guess we have to live regardless.
You spend months chasing that dream only to be let down after you achieve your goal, you spend days, months, years thinking of how you were going to enjoy the limelight but you shy away from the sun anyway, cos the shine doesn't rub you the way you thought it would. It's a hard knock life if you ask me.
This is just me asking questions, questions I unfortunately don't have an answer to, you feel let down, disappoint even, if you don't get that shiny result you want, you feel the world is against you when you try to move forward and you cannot, but then when the high comes, when that high paying job, that beautiful relationship, that awesome day you've always wished for comes, you just feel, "meh".
I recognise that you cannot be down forever, so far you keep trying to evolve, I also know that you can not always be at the top, life is designed that way, and like it or not, it's not fair and has never or will never be. That brings me to my impasse; what then is one to do?
At this point, overwhelmed is an understatement, but what do we do? Or what can we do?
Ps. This it first post on Substack.